Ran into a Young Me Today

Me at age 13

I went for a bike ride today, and made a stop in the center of town for a little stroll.  When I was locking up my bike, a woman and her son (probably 10-12) were doing the same.  They were more professionally dressed in terms of just wearing biking shorts and she had a biking jersey.  I had a tank top and some Pearl Izumi shorts, but looked less serious than they did.  Their bikes were also more legit than my 20 year old faux mountain bike.  That said, the boy stared at me in a way that was all too familiar to me.

See, he looked nearly exactly like I did when I was his age.  He was blonde, and his face obviously looked different from mine, but body-wise, this was me around age 11.  Like I was, he was probably twice the weight of his friends at school, and probably wished he didn't have to be on that bike ride in the heat, or, if he was ok with the ride, he was at least struggling with his breathing while trying to keep up.  I went on a ride with my dad in similar conditions around the same age, and remember how he had to jump off his bike and rush back to me due to my near collapse from wheezing so hard and being unable to catch my breath while turning dark red as I overheated.  We were on a maybe 5% incline, if that.

That boy looked at me with a sort of longing admiration the way I'd look at people a bit older than I was and were in at least marginally fit states of health (or appeared to be).  I'd wish so hard to be like that, but couldn't face the mountain of work I perceived it would take.  This all came across in his eyes as he kept looking at me.  I wanted to say something to him, but didn't want to risk offending him or his mother, or crossing any lines.  I wanted to give him a look that said, "Hey, don't worry. I was you, and you can be what you want to be. Don't look at the mountain, look at each step."

Who knows what words would be the right words for him, or if I was really projecting myself onto him and he wasn't thinking or feeling any of what I was reading in his eyes.  It was a powerful interaction, though, and it stuck with me through the 20 minute ride home, cleaning up, and sitting down to write a bit (hence being the focus of this post).

What it made me realize is that we all have a version of ourselves from our past that we want to reach out to, connect with, and comfort, inspire and lift up.  We can't do that, and the 'us' from before must live through all the trials, tribulations and hard work we put in to become who we are today. As much as you might want to protect 'them' from the gauntlet of life, it is the journey through that gauntlet that you shaped you into you, and through which you emerged stronger and enlightened.

Believe in yourself, and accept just the simple beauty of your existence through everything. You've made it. Revel in that. That comfort, acceptance and peace is how you enlighten.your.body.