We all suffer from a tendency to be close-minded into a state where we can only truly see things through our own lens. I know some very open-minded people, and they even suffer from this - even if only fleetingly or in certain situations. The thing is, this is both bad and good for us and those around us. The differentiating factor is self-awareness, self-trust and self-satisfaction.
Let's start with the 'bad' side of the coin as it is a little easier to grasp and can take less personal work to improve upon. I was talking to my wife today, and we were talking about the judgment someone was giving based on their choices and how what we were doing was "wrong" since it isn't what they'd do. The thing is, they live a totally different life with completely different priorities, demands, preferences, etc. they are a different person in a different situation. Our choice has worked really well for us, and theirs likely wouldn't have been as good in our situation just as our choice likely wouldn't have worked as well for them as for us.
So why the insistence that we were wrong, even though our "being wrong" has zero impact on them? Many of us (or all of us at least sometimes) fail to interpret situations through the lens of others. With extreme differences in situations, many of us are ok (we don't call someone crazy for walking two days for clean water if they live in the Sahara despite our not needing to do that). But when the differences are subtler, we tend to fail to put ourselves in so,Rome else's shoes before passing judgment. "Oh, she's nuts, I'd never run a marathon!" "Why are you eating your money on Accupuncture? It doesn't work for anyone." "What do you mean you aren't going back to work and putting your baby in day care?"
Some judgment is innocuous and good-intentioned. As I recover from knee surgery, those with old-school views on recovery tell me I am doing the wrong thing by exercising (despite my docs and physical therapist insisting I do it, and my experience with recovery from 13 prior surgeries). People tell me I'm wrong for eating fat and avoiding "heart healthy" carbs like bread and pasta. If I'm wrong, why is my body fat lower than ever, my cholesterol and other blood test numbers all in a better place than they've ever been, my supposed liver condition no longer shows on tests and I have more energy than I've ever had? And "ever" includes when I cut fat and cholesterol religiously and ate complex carbs regularly (yet still have >15% body fat and borderline cholesterol levels even with at least 5 work outs per week of at least 30 minutes of intense cardio).
Before you judge anyone else, ask if you are judging the choice as your own in your life, or even attempting to be the person making the choice with all of their pros and cons to weigh. Better yet, ask yourself why you are judging them at all. For what purpose? Does their action actually impact you (beyond your distaste for it)? I would wager in most cases there is no purpose and no impact.
Realize this when you are being judged - have their put themselves in your shoes? Does your decision impact them? Really? If not, let it roll off your back.
So, what should you do when you are judged? Let's look at the other side of the coin to understand better.
If you receive such judgment - and we all do from time to time - don't let it hurt you or sway you. Be mindful of the difference between judgment and advice, and actively let the former roll off your back while seeking out and considering the latter. Advice isn't all good or apt, but even bad advice can spark different thoughts than your have developed without some contrarian views. Judgment does not achieve anything productive.
It is in your reaction that the lesson resides - be sure of your own ability to find the right path for your unique situation. From that feeling of self-trust, go ahead with what you feel is right. Be aware of yourself and your surroundings to ensure things are going the right way, and don't be afraid to course correct if needed. In this way, you will be even more satisfied and content since the decision came from you, your understanding of your life and how to improve it and your ability to be resilient despite any unproductive doubt people send your way.
No comments:
Post a Comment